Bad habit displacement activity?
April 16, 2024 5:26 PM Subscribe
Did you change or discontinue a bad habit partly or wholly by replacing it with an innocuous other activity? Please tell me more!
I mentioned in a class I was teaching today that I'd seen people do this now and then -- I have an ex-smoker friend who found fidget spinners useful to occupy their hands with, for example, and I have another friend who replaced a doomscrolling habit with ebooks.
A student asked me after class how to choose an appropriate displacement activity... and I found I didn't have a good answer to that. I'm currently buried in psych literature on this, but I'd value some firsthand stories too. Lay 'em on me!
I mentioned in a class I was teaching today that I'd seen people do this now and then -- I have an ex-smoker friend who found fidget spinners useful to occupy their hands with, for example, and I have another friend who replaced a doomscrolling habit with ebooks.
A student asked me after class how to choose an appropriate displacement activity... and I found I didn't have a good answer to that. I'm currently buried in psych literature on this, but I'd value some firsthand stories too. Lay 'em on me!
I bit my nails for a long time, and finally managed to stop when I started painting them and chipping the nail polish off as a replacement for the biting. Still fidgety, didn’t damage my nails/cuticles to the same extent. And a year or so later, I managed to stop the chipping off nail polish habit.
posted by maleficent at 6:51 PM on April 16 [4 favorites]
posted by maleficent at 6:51 PM on April 16 [4 favorites]
^ I love your dad.
The replacement activity has to be satisfying in some way. Whatever that means to the person but it has to have a frisson of delight. So the person needs to understand what deep need they are really addressing. Is the snacking because of afternoon boredom? Find something else that relieves boredom or gives a break. And so on.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 6:51 PM on April 16 [8 favorites]
The replacement activity has to be satisfying in some way. Whatever that means to the person but it has to have a frisson of delight. So the person needs to understand what deep need they are really addressing. Is the snacking because of afternoon boredom? Find something else that relieves boredom or gives a break. And so on.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 6:51 PM on April 16 [8 favorites]
As a social worker when I'm thinking about a displacement activity the first thing I'm asking what does the initial activity even do? Doomscrolling is a distraction and so are ebooks though one is likely more healthy than the other as an example. The second thing I think about is access. The phone activity changing is great bc it's the same or very similar device that can be used in the same places at the same time. The other one, fidget spinners are small and portable just like a box of cigarettes. And third is willingness for the person to use it! If someone is to embarrassed to use a fidget toy because they feel as if they may be judged then is likely not going to be a good replacement activity.
I'm general I'm also thinking about skills around it if a displacement activity doesn't quite fit. For example someone who drinks alcohol in social situations for anxiety may replace that with a non alcoholic drink, but also may need some extra tools to deal with social anxiety as well.
posted by AlexiaSky at 6:57 PM on April 16 [6 favorites]
I'm general I'm also thinking about skills around it if a displacement activity doesn't quite fit. For example someone who drinks alcohol in social situations for anxiety may replace that with a non alcoholic drink, but also may need some extra tools to deal with social anxiety as well.
posted by AlexiaSky at 6:57 PM on April 16 [6 favorites]
Like Mizu, my dad was a heavy smoker who quit.
In his forties Dad switched from cigarettes to sugared almonds. This was in Britain in the early 1950s and the candies were like these; not candied almonds in the US style but whole almonds with a hard sugar coat. He ate A LOT I remember, and successfully entirely and permanently stopped smoking, giving up the almonds after a couple of years. My mum continued to smoke, though rather less, and eventually died of lung cancer.
posted by anadem at 7:05 PM on April 16 [2 favorites]
In his forties Dad switched from cigarettes to sugared almonds. This was in Britain in the early 1950s and the candies were like these; not candied almonds in the US style but whole almonds with a hard sugar coat. He ate A LOT I remember, and successfully entirely and permanently stopped smoking, giving up the almonds after a couple of years. My mum continued to smoke, though rather less, and eventually died of lung cancer.
posted by anadem at 7:05 PM on April 16 [2 favorites]
Successful substitution: I've replaced my stupid candy crush habit by starting to crochet instead. I was only playing candy crush because I needed something to do with my hands during Zoom meetings and while watching TV. Why did it work? Because it was me going from one fidgety activity to another. I had tried before to quit candy crush by substituting reading ebooks, but that didn't work because reading ebooks isn't fidgety. From that failed experiment I figured out I didn't have a screen addiction, I had a need to fidget. Crochet fit right in, it's perfect. Much more satisfying as a fiddly tactile toy than a phone screen, actually.
Failed substitution: Tried listening to podcasts during my workouts instead of audiobook novels. Terrible idea! I kept stopping to hit the skip button on ads or to look up details of a fact that had just been thrown at me, and then I'd get get distracted and start scrolling on my phone. So I went back to pure fiction with no ads interspersed.
Successful substitution: For a good while (a couple of years) I quit eating rice entirely and instead ate mushy-cooked mung beans. It's a lot better than the next best substitute, quinoa, which is not quite the right texture and does not have the toothsomeness of rice. Also permanently switched to red lentil pasta, because in my favorite recipes the flavor and texture differences don't matter. In food substitutions, I have found toothsomeness to be an oft-overlooked but crucial consideration. Without replicating the chew of the item to be substituted, the attempt will likely fail.
Failed substitution: Trying to switch to greek yogurt from regular. Since I only eat plain yogurt, I could not palate the taste and weird grainy pasty texture of greek yogurt. Not a good substitute.
Successful substitution: As a person with ADHD switching between purses is a nightmare for me. I am guaranteed to miss something important, leave it in the zippered pocket of the old purse while transferring into a new one. So I quit purses entirely. I carry my ID, credit & debit card, and a little cash in a wallet phone case. The phone in its case can be carried in my hand or in my bra. If I'm lucky I have an outfit with pockets. I love my purse-free life. Note: This would not have been possible a decade ago when my kids were small, one of the many ways in which teenagers are better than toddlers. So the crucial criterion in the success of this effort was something quite unrelated to my habits - instead it was about life eliminating my compulsion to carry one. Luck!
Successful substitution: I stopped buying new clothing and shoes in 2017. I have shopped exclusively at ThredUp for the last 7 years. Not just for myself but for my kids too. Only underwear and socks come new from regular clothing shops. Good for the environment, good for my budget, and very satisfyingly anti-consumption. It works in large part because shopping at ThredUp is exactly as convenient as shopping online at the Gap or whatever. They've built a good UI, they have a good system for photos and categories. My attempt to substitute my bad fast-fashion habit would have failed if not for the convenience of the better alternative.
posted by MiraK at 7:29 PM on April 16 [11 favorites]
Failed substitution: Tried listening to podcasts during my workouts instead of audiobook novels. Terrible idea! I kept stopping to hit the skip button on ads or to look up details of a fact that had just been thrown at me, and then I'd get get distracted and start scrolling on my phone. So I went back to pure fiction with no ads interspersed.
Successful substitution: For a good while (a couple of years) I quit eating rice entirely and instead ate mushy-cooked mung beans. It's a lot better than the next best substitute, quinoa, which is not quite the right texture and does not have the toothsomeness of rice. Also permanently switched to red lentil pasta, because in my favorite recipes the flavor and texture differences don't matter. In food substitutions, I have found toothsomeness to be an oft-overlooked but crucial consideration. Without replicating the chew of the item to be substituted, the attempt will likely fail.
Failed substitution: Trying to switch to greek yogurt from regular. Since I only eat plain yogurt, I could not palate the taste and weird grainy pasty texture of greek yogurt. Not a good substitute.
Successful substitution: As a person with ADHD switching between purses is a nightmare for me. I am guaranteed to miss something important, leave it in the zippered pocket of the old purse while transferring into a new one. So I quit purses entirely. I carry my ID, credit & debit card, and a little cash in a wallet phone case. The phone in its case can be carried in my hand or in my bra. If I'm lucky I have an outfit with pockets. I love my purse-free life. Note: This would not have been possible a decade ago when my kids were small, one of the many ways in which teenagers are better than toddlers. So the crucial criterion in the success of this effort was something quite unrelated to my habits - instead it was about life eliminating my compulsion to carry one. Luck!
Successful substitution: I stopped buying new clothing and shoes in 2017. I have shopped exclusively at ThredUp for the last 7 years. Not just for myself but for my kids too. Only underwear and socks come new from regular clothing shops. Good for the environment, good for my budget, and very satisfyingly anti-consumption. It works in large part because shopping at ThredUp is exactly as convenient as shopping online at the Gap or whatever. They've built a good UI, they have a good system for photos and categories. My attempt to substitute my bad fast-fashion habit would have failed if not for the convenience of the better alternative.
posted by MiraK at 7:29 PM on April 16 [11 favorites]
My husband replaced smoking cigarettes with vaping, which he then replaced with nicotine pouches, which he replaced with menthol cough drops just for the oral fixation part. This spanned over several years but he mostly just uses cough drops as his fix instead of nicotine.
posted by Teadog at 7:49 PM on April 16 [1 favorite]
posted by Teadog at 7:49 PM on April 16 [1 favorite]
I used to pick at my cuticles and tear / bite the skin; now I use hand cream or cuticle oil when I notice myself picking. I have little bottles of cuticle oil and balm in all of my bags and in random spots around my house, so one's never far away. The hard part is catching myself picking, from there it's easy to redirect because the cuticle oil feels much more satisfying than the picking.
posted by third word on a random page at 8:50 PM on April 16 [5 favorites]
posted by third word on a random page at 8:50 PM on April 16 [5 favorites]
Charles Duhigg talks about this in The Power of Habit. As mentioned in this summary, Duhigg proposes identifying what reward you're currently getting from the habit you want to replace, in order to find a good replacement habit. In the book, he talks about getting a cookie every afternoon as a habit to be replaced. He asks what exactly is rewarding about that habit: is it the cookie itself, or the walk to go get it, or the social interaction with people you see along the way?
He says a good, persistent replacement will provide a similar reward: if it's the walk, you could walk to go get some water or an apple or just fresh air; if it's the social interaction, you could walk to say hello to a colleague.
posted by kristi at 8:52 PM on April 16 [4 favorites]
He says a good, persistent replacement will provide a similar reward: if it's the walk, you could walk to go get some water or an apple or just fresh air; if it's the social interaction, you could walk to say hello to a colleague.
posted by kristi at 8:52 PM on April 16 [4 favorites]
Non-alcoholic beers are extremely popular right now.
posted by credulous at 10:05 PM on April 16 [2 favorites]
posted by credulous at 10:05 PM on April 16 [2 favorites]
I also came to suggest NA beers. I enjoy drinking alcohol but will happily accept/actively choose an Athletic Brewing Hazy IPA over any non-IPA traditional beer and some actual IPA traditional beers.
posted by samthemander at 11:22 PM on April 16 [1 favorite]
posted by samthemander at 11:22 PM on April 16 [1 favorite]
I can second maleficent's story word for word. I replaced destroying my nails with being extra-precious about my nails.
posted by kimberussell at 5:29 AM on April 17 [2 favorites]
posted by kimberussell at 5:29 AM on April 17 [2 favorites]
I replaced doomscrolling with Duolingo. Although I didn't think about it much at the time, thinking back, it does seem like a good example of replacing an activity with something that fills the same niche. In my case, it was something to do when I had a few minutes and nothing but my phone to occupy me. Reduced my anxiety and improved my French!
posted by number9dream at 5:56 AM on April 17 [4 favorites]
posted by number9dream at 5:56 AM on April 17 [4 favorites]
I replaced chronic nail biting with chewing on a plastic straw - MiraK was absolutely right about the toothsomeness of the sub being necessary, as I'd tried: bribery/rewards, nail painting, that hideously flavoured anti-biting treatment, but nothing (except cheefully chomping through the nail varnish to my nails) hit the toothsomeness spot. Eventually I could stop chewing a straw like a maniac. YMMV, this was the 90s when plastic straws were everywhere and nobody thought about single use plastics.
posted by london explorer girl at 6:16 AM on April 17 [3 favorites]
posted by london explorer girl at 6:16 AM on April 17 [3 favorites]
Oh my god I love this question. I have every noxious fidgety habit there is (well, except smoking, I guess) and I have never found a solution. They all substitute for each other in an ouroboros of nail biting. Gonna bookmark this for sure.
(What does *not* work? Shame.)
Little eirias used to chew on random stuff. Now she eats boxes upon boxes of Lemonheads. I really don't know if this is a win or not.
posted by eirias at 7:23 AM on April 17 [4 favorites]
(What does *not* work? Shame.)
Little eirias used to chew on random stuff. Now she eats boxes upon boxes of Lemonheads. I really don't know if this is a win or not.
posted by eirias at 7:23 AM on April 17 [4 favorites]
Oh hey, I've been thinking about this a lot lately! I wasn't an alcoholic but had been habitually self-medicating, especially during a stressful 2023. After a bout of COVID late last year I noticed even a small amount of alcohol would cause scary side effects and they were getting worse. I stopped drinking a few months ago with the help of the following:
1. Targeted substitution. I recognized my worst cravings happen in the afternoon when work is winding down and I'm thirsty. Sparkling water on ice with bitters is my go-to now. It's festive and delicious, and I make a toast to the afternoon.
2. Reminders to quell the underlying anxiety. I read the stopdrinking subreddit when my brain is anxious in the middle of the night and I can't sleep. The stories people tell about how their health improved since they quit help calm the anxiety and reinforce that this has been a great decision.
3. A visual progress marker. I got a bunch of weird stickers and put one on the calendar at the end of each day. It helps to see my progress and eventually the habit will be so ingrained I won't need to do this anymore.
4. Change during a time of change. I quit drinking about the same time I got a new job, so it was easier to add one more big change to the pile. I also treated myself to a new desk, rearranged my office, and got some new plants to make my environment different and pleasant.
5. It's a cliche but don't overthink it, just do the thing. If you don't succeed immediately, keep trying. Breaking out of the rumination/overanalyzing cycle is really hard with anxiety in the mix, but it really does get easier with practice.
6. Be ready to stop beating yourself up. Ultimately I think this is the key to success. For many people there's something, not comforting, but familiar about negative internal voices. In order to succeed you have to be ready to stop being mean to yourself which can be scary, unfamiliar territory.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 8:53 AM on April 17 [12 favorites]
1. Targeted substitution. I recognized my worst cravings happen in the afternoon when work is winding down and I'm thirsty. Sparkling water on ice with bitters is my go-to now. It's festive and delicious, and I make a toast to the afternoon.
2. Reminders to quell the underlying anxiety. I read the stopdrinking subreddit when my brain is anxious in the middle of the night and I can't sleep. The stories people tell about how their health improved since they quit help calm the anxiety and reinforce that this has been a great decision.
3. A visual progress marker. I got a bunch of weird stickers and put one on the calendar at the end of each day. It helps to see my progress and eventually the habit will be so ingrained I won't need to do this anymore.
4. Change during a time of change. I quit drinking about the same time I got a new job, so it was easier to add one more big change to the pile. I also treated myself to a new desk, rearranged my office, and got some new plants to make my environment different and pleasant.
5. It's a cliche but don't overthink it, just do the thing. If you don't succeed immediately, keep trying. Breaking out of the rumination/overanalyzing cycle is really hard with anxiety in the mix, but it really does get easier with practice.
6. Be ready to stop beating yourself up. Ultimately I think this is the key to success. For many people there's something, not comforting, but familiar about negative internal voices. In order to succeed you have to be ready to stop being mean to yourself which can be scary, unfamiliar territory.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 8:53 AM on April 17 [12 favorites]
So I hesitate to call this a bad habit, because our relationship with food should be positive or neutral, and not negative. But it's still a good example.
However, I really like potato chips. They are so good. They are my favourite food.
I realized that I was eating potato chips at the expense of other foods such as fruit and veggies. Not really a good balance. So what I did was tell myself, you can eat potato chips. But you need to eat all your fruit and veggies first.
And of course, fruit and veggies being quite filling, I would either forgo the potato chips entirely, or simply eat less of them.
This didn't happen overnight. It was a gradual thing. And I just made sure that on those days where I was super good about eating fruit and veggies I was neutral about it. And on those days where I maybe overindulged on potato chips I was also neutral about it. Each day was it's own thing and no moral judgements were made.
I still eat potato chips, of course. They're delicious. But I'm more likely now to reach for an apple or something when I'm feeling snacky.
posted by eekernohan at 12:01 PM on April 17 [8 favorites]
However, I really like potato chips. They are so good. They are my favourite food.
I realized that I was eating potato chips at the expense of other foods such as fruit and veggies. Not really a good balance. So what I did was tell myself, you can eat potato chips. But you need to eat all your fruit and veggies first.
And of course, fruit and veggies being quite filling, I would either forgo the potato chips entirely, or simply eat less of them.
This didn't happen overnight. It was a gradual thing. And I just made sure that on those days where I was super good about eating fruit and veggies I was neutral about it. And on those days where I maybe overindulged on potato chips I was also neutral about it. Each day was it's own thing and no moral judgements were made.
I still eat potato chips, of course. They're delicious. But I'm more likely now to reach for an apple or something when I'm feeling snacky.
posted by eekernohan at 12:01 PM on April 17 [8 favorites]
I’ve replaced coffee with tea.
A partner replaced cigarettes with Tootsie Pops.
And my brother replaced cigarettes with running.
posted by sugarbomb at 8:01 PM on April 17 [1 favorite]
A partner replaced cigarettes with Tootsie Pops.
And my brother replaced cigarettes with running.
posted by sugarbomb at 8:01 PM on April 17 [1 favorite]
I'm currently trying to stop biting my nails and have given myself the instruction that if one of my fingers ends up in my mouth I snap myself on the wrist fairly hard with a rubber band. It's mean, but it's working really well for making me aware of a not-totally-conscious self-soothing behavior. Also, a gentler snap is actually a pretty good replacement for the stimuli of gnawing; I've caught myself twanging it against my wrist to help me think.
I've outfitted my desk with various clippers and files too. I've gone without biting my nails for like a week and a half now, which is I think the longest I've gone in my life! There's still a lot of progress to be made on picking at my cuticles/touching my face, which both fall outside the one guiding instruction... hopefully investing in cuticle oil will help with the former.
I thought about a fidget ring, but much of this is motivated by trying to "fix" bad textures on my hands, so files and lotions are much better tools.
posted by 26thandfinal at 11:41 PM on April 17 [1 favorite]
I've outfitted my desk with various clippers and files too. I've gone without biting my nails for like a week and a half now, which is I think the longest I've gone in my life! There's still a lot of progress to be made on picking at my cuticles/touching my face, which both fall outside the one guiding instruction... hopefully investing in cuticle oil will help with the former.
I thought about a fidget ring, but much of this is motivated by trying to "fix" bad textures on my hands, so files and lotions are much better tools.
posted by 26thandfinal at 11:41 PM on April 17 [1 favorite]
I also did the cuticle/nail biting -> picking at nail polish -> not needing the nail polish anymore thing.
I've largely ditched carbs by emphasizing spicy and funky foods, basically replacing one intense source of happy brain chemicals with another.
I mostly stopped playing stupid phone games by leaning hard into reading library ebooks to fill those little bits of time around the edges of my life.
posted by 168 at 3:49 AM on April 18 [1 favorite]
I've largely ditched carbs by emphasizing spicy and funky foods, basically replacing one intense source of happy brain chemicals with another.
I mostly stopped playing stupid phone games by leaning hard into reading library ebooks to fill those little bits of time around the edges of my life.
posted by 168 at 3:49 AM on April 18 [1 favorite]
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He tells me that if he smoked a single cigarette he would fall immediately off the wagon and be chain smoking within the week, and I believe him. His motivation is pretty enduring: he had proposed to my mom after undergrad and they had discussed having kids and he said he wanted to quit smoking before then. I believe he managed to quit before they got married though I could have misremembered.
We have a family history of addictive behavior and mental illness and my dad was very aware of all of it, and knew his smoking was in large part a way to get out of the house away from his terrible mother. So it became easier for him to quit when his home was one he shared with his fiancé/wife, and when he was in law school working hard to gain a skill to support her and the kids that he really wanted. Notably, he did nearly push himself into the hospital via caffeine one year during finals, apparently. So it’s not like it was fully smooth sailing. One way he augmented his new habits was to also develop a taste for sunflower seeds and pistachio nuts, two snacks that are easy to have in a car cup holder and busy your mouth and hands. As he aged, he intentionally got used to salt free versions of both. He loves peanuts at a baseball game, too. Another thing helping him was the powerful social change around smoking that happened in the time period. It was the late 70s, so he was quitting at just the right time to go along with new laws and regulations as well as social stigma. Now as an old man we have talked about him starting to smoke again. He says he will only do it if my mom dies before him, which is ridiculously sweet. I think she wouldn’t care, frankly, but whatever works.
Following my dad’s example I’ve tried to swap some of my smaller bad habits. My family’s neurodivergence runs deep in me of course as does our seemingly genetic anxiety, so sustainably changing habits is extremely difficult for me, and only doable when I have other supports in place, like medication and safe housing and all the other key stuff. I definitely have sensory processing troubles, both in the overload sense and the seeking sense. I’ve had some small successes but nothing like my dad’s stubborn achievements. But also I’ve not had the love of my life to motivate me, so I don’t give myself too much grief about it.
posted by Mizu at 6:05 PM on April 16 [21 favorites]