Sex offender being creepy but not breaking the law, what to do?

May 2, 2024 6:07 AM

A car drives past our bus stop at least once every morning, sometimes up to three times. Four kindergarteners and their moms. The driver makes eye contact with us and licks his lips and rubs his hands together. Sometimes he points at the kids and gives a thumbs up. Lo and behold he’s a registered sex offender in the neighborhood with four counts of solicitation of a child. I have called the police and so have other parents. Is there anything else to do?

I don’t want to crucify him or run him out of town, I just don’t want my kid to have to deal with this.

posted by pintapicasso to Law & Government (23 answers total)

Maybe call the PD back, and ask if a School Resource Officer could "visit" your bus stop a couple of times in the week ahead for twenty minutes before bus time. They can be very friendly with the kids, and just be visible to the creep.

Sadly, this will probably only move the problem elsewhere.
posted by wenestvedt at 6:08 AM on May 2 [6 favorites]

Typically registered sex offenders have restrictions on where they live and their interaction with children. I don't know where you are located, but I'd look into that first and then report to the appropriate body. If you can get video to document, it'll just make it easier.
posted by Toddles at 6:17 AM on May 2 [15 favorites]

Directly contact the department that oversees the registered sex offender program. They can probably give you more insight into the conditions put upon registered sex offenders, and may have a process for reporting violations.. The individual may also still have a parole officer assigned; ask for that name as well and contact them directly.

And yes, video evidence is going to be a help here.
posted by Silvery Fish at 6:30 AM on May 2 [22 favorites]

Wow. I appreciate your compassion here, but this man's behavior seems to be going outside the bounds of where compassion is merited. That is really disturbing.

I'd be documenting this in writing, to both the police and whatever level of local government you have. Guessing that this person also has a case manager or parole officer, and the courts or police may be able to connect you with them. And honestly (possibly my journalism background kicking in) I'd consider calling whatever local newspaper or TV you have. See if they'll send a reporter with unobtrusive video to your bus stop.
posted by martin q blank at 6:32 AM on May 2 [41 favorites]

As others have said, calling the sex offender registration unit directly is probably the best bet here. Depending on the state there are rules about how close they can be to congregating children and if the law can concider the children waiting for the bus as congregating children.

You could also request the bus stop to be moved to an area that's clearly under the jurisdiction of the law if not, like at the corner of a park if there is something nearby.
posted by AlexiaSky at 6:35 AM on May 2 [6 favorites]

Also have you contacted the school directly for their help in this? A concerned principal may be able to push someone into doing something in a way that you can't.
posted by AlexiaSky at 6:41 AM on May 2 [16 favorites]

Is there any way some of the kindergarteners Dads could show up on a regular basis? Not to do anything -- I'm not suggesting vigilantism or violence -- I just think a sex offender would likely be a lot less bold in the face of a man standing there.

Another random thought I just had for how you could potentially deny this guy his jollies would be to get a large bedsheet and three broom handles. Attach the bedsheet to the broom handles and have the parents form a shielding triangle around the kids so he can't even see them as he drives by. That's more traumatic and awful for the kids, though. If there's a consistent direction he drives from, maybe have the fourth mom wait up the street a bit to text you when he's coming so you don't have to keep the kids penned in the whole wait but he still doesn't get what he wants.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:49 AM on May 2

Get a bunch of video of this guy doing it, then contact a local TV station. He may stop when he sees you're recording him.
posted by Slinga at 6:56 AM on May 2 [7 favorites]

Have you engaged with him at all? I would record him continuously and say “Hello Sex Offender’s Name, you need to leave this area now” over and over, calmly and neutrally. If he doesn’t feel threatened in the least, which it sounds like he does not, he might feel emboldened to start talking to the kids and/or take videos of them.
posted by tatiana wishbone at 7:08 AM on May 2 [2 favorites]

I mean, he might just be breaking the law as it pertains to his particular case. He might be mandated to stay a certain distance from children and could be violating that order.
posted by cooker girl at 7:33 AM on May 2 [21 favorites]

I don’t want to ... run him out of town
Well, damn, why not? Somebody needs to run him out of town directly to where he belongs, which is under the jail. If calling his parole officer doesn't stop it, can you and the other mothers make posts on Next Door about it? It would be cool if at least once in the lifetime of the app it was used for a legitimate neighborhood safety thing instead of to call out people for walking while black, etc.
posted by Don Pepino at 9:04 AM on May 2 [28 favorites]

In my city/neighborhood, we have a very good Neighborhood Services department and a neighborhood specialist who is especially effective. I don't know what your city has along those lines, but I'd look into an equivalent. Our specialist has a good network of contacts within city departments and other local institutions (like the schools, state/county gov'ts, media, etc)--I'd be confident she'd put me in contact with the right people and then follow up with them (and their supervisors) to make things happen.
posted by mullacc at 9:26 AM on May 2

Having it be obvious that he is being recorded will likely be enough, but if it continues after that he almost certainly has a parole officer that you can get in direct contact with.

I have sympathy with regards to the excessive limitations on living spaces for sex offenders, but if they are in any way acting out then that goes right out the window. Run him out of town, and if you want to do a real public service press to get him returned to incarceration.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 9:42 AM on May 2 [4 favorites]

This is so cartoon-villain that I'm having trouble seeing it at face value. He licks his lips and rubs his hands together? At the parents?

Your question says "us" so I understand that you have seen it with your own eyes and I believe you. But are you absolutely sure this is registry guy himself, and not his evil ex/brother in law/landlord trying to stir up trouble for him? I can definitely imagine that someone might be exploiting you and your kids to help harass or abuse a person who's on a registry.
posted by fritley at 10:54 AM on May 2 [14 favorites]

are you absolutely sure this is registry guy himself, and not his evil ex/brother in law/landlord trying to stir up trouble

Video evidence would help here too, since it will make it clear whether this is the registered guy.

OP, I hope you and all the kids stay safe.
posted by Pallas Athena at 1:11 PM on May 2 [4 favorites]

You would be doing a kindness to your kids and this clearly mentally ill person to gather up all the physically imposing people you can find, knock on his door at dinnertime, and have one designated person explain that you have all seen him making inappropriate contact with children. Then leave silently. It isn't a threat, it is a notice that you have noticed. Is it really going to be better for him to actually get to the point where he makes another solicitation? With a united front you are giving him a chance to stay out of jail.

Look, my elementary school music teacher is in jail for life. People in a position to protect the kids he molested knew that something wrong was going on and didn't stop it. I've been sexually harassed as a middle school student while the nearby adults did nothing. I could never, ever forgive myself if a known offender was behaving in a clearly inappropriate way and I had not exhausted every legal way to stop it. This is clearly "knock on every door in a three block area" levels of wrong, and you need to act. Print out some fliers and start knocking on doors. Tonight.
posted by wnissen at 4:06 PM on May 2 [5 favorites]

I'm not sure it really matters if this guy's a registered sex offender or not. His public behavior warrants documenting and exposing.
posted by 2N2222 at 5:02 PM on May 2 [4 favorites]

Are you sure he's not breaking the law? It's probably a requirement of his community release that he stay away from children, and I'm sure harassing kindergartners qualifies as something he is forbidden from doing. I would contact your local police ASAP who will have a protocol for what to do. Video will probably be very helpful in proving identity.

I would also guess that he might be visiting several bus stops, not just yours. Alerting the principal might also allow him/her to collect information from other waiting parents or children and connect those families to the police or appropriate authorities.
posted by citygirl at 6:00 AM on May 3

Everyone keeps saying call the police...the poster has. What was the police response? I agree that trying to contact the registry or deeper to find his parole officer might help but what is going on with the police response here? Did a patrol car ever come? Anyone take a statement?
posted by tiny frying pan at 6:11 AM on May 3 [1 favorite]

Is there any way some of the kindergarteners Dads could show up on a regular basis? Not to do anything -- I'm not suggesting vigilantism or violence -- I just think a sex offender would likely be a lot less bold in the face of a man standing there.

A few years ago I suggested bringing a man (me) into the situation for a guy who was standing in front of the house flashing himself. My aunt laid into me for my regressive approach; instead she and my mother went out on the porch and pointed and laughed at him. Problem solved, no men required.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 8:32 AM on May 3

Subtly video record him a couple times (phone sticking out of pocket, etc) and get a photo or recording of his license plate. Then call the police again with the evidence.

“I don’t want to run him out of town…” what? Why not?! For Pete’s sake how many chances do certain people GET?! You realize the alternative is that he molests more kids because you’re uncomfortable with conflict?
posted by nouvelle-personne at 9:30 AM on May 3

Sex offenders are on parole forever. He's has a parole officer. If you can't find a way to identify and talk to that person, get in contact with your local representative's (city council, state rep, etc) constituent services department and ask for help.
posted by umwelt at 6:13 PM on May 3 [3 favorites]

I would bet that his conditions of parole require "no contact" with children. To me, this qualifies as contact.
posted by yclipse at 4:44 AM on May 4 [1 favorite]