Seeking recommendations for an all-girls therapy-based boarding school
March 5, 2024 5:14 PM Subscribe
I am looking for recommendations (preferably with first hand knowledge) for a therapy-based boarding school for troubled teens. For more details, please see
Please note that some details have been changed for privacy purposes. I will not anonymize the question in case people prefer to MeMail a response instead of posting openly.
The daughter of a close friend is a troubled early teen. She is not violent, but she has dabbled in drugs. She has had two semi-voluntary psychiatric hospitalizations after self-harm. (From a medical standpoint, these attempts were not life-threatening but were very clearly "cries for help.") After her most recent 90 day in-patient stay, she voluntarily went to a boarding school that was focused on learning life and coping skills while also trying to get some school lessons in so she doesn't keep falling behind. That lasted less than a month before she was "caught breaking a major rule and summarily expelled" (I don't know details beyond that).
Prior to the second in-patient hospitalization and failed boarding school attempt, she was essentially home schooled by her divorced parents. This was not sustainable and also not the best for her, long-term. She needs more structure and more help than they can provide for her. Hence this question about boarding school recommendations. I have read countless news stories about boarding schools/behavioral "correction" camps that were de facto cults/abusive prisons. The thought of sending her somewhere like that is terrifying for her parents. But she needs more help than they can provide. Are there reputable places/institutions that could help her? Non-religious would be ideal, but at this point even something with a religious background is acceptable. Girls only would also be ideal. Location within the USA and $$$ are not as important as how good and effective it is. While this will not be done against her will or without her consent, there should be some barriers to self-discharge given her previous difficulties sticking with particular programs. If anyone has any experience with a reputable and effective boarding school for troubled teens, we would be extremely grateful to hear of it.
Please note that some details have been changed for privacy purposes. I will not anonymize the question in case people prefer to MeMail a response instead of posting openly.
The daughter of a close friend is a troubled early teen. She is not violent, but she has dabbled in drugs. She has had two semi-voluntary psychiatric hospitalizations after self-harm. (From a medical standpoint, these attempts were not life-threatening but were very clearly "cries for help.") After her most recent 90 day in-patient stay, she voluntarily went to a boarding school that was focused on learning life and coping skills while also trying to get some school lessons in so she doesn't keep falling behind. That lasted less than a month before she was "caught breaking a major rule and summarily expelled" (I don't know details beyond that).
Prior to the second in-patient hospitalization and failed boarding school attempt, she was essentially home schooled by her divorced parents. This was not sustainable and also not the best for her, long-term. She needs more structure and more help than they can provide for her. Hence this question about boarding school recommendations. I have read countless news stories about boarding schools/behavioral "correction" camps that were de facto cults/abusive prisons. The thought of sending her somewhere like that is terrifying for her parents. But she needs more help than they can provide. Are there reputable places/institutions that could help her? Non-religious would be ideal, but at this point even something with a religious background is acceptable. Girls only would also be ideal. Location within the USA and $$$ are not as important as how good and effective it is. While this will not be done against her will or without her consent, there should be some barriers to self-discharge given her previous difficulties sticking with particular programs. If anyone has any experience with a reputable and effective boarding school for troubled teens, we would be extremely grateful to hear of it.
I'm sending you a DM. There are actually helpful, nurturing, non-abusive places that are residential treatment centers and boarding schools for kids who need more structure and care than they can get at home. They're also hard to find, hidden in between the Baby Jesus Recovery Ranch and etc.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 6:07 PM on March 5 [5 favorites]
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 6:07 PM on March 5 [5 favorites]
Response by poster: haptic_avenger, good question; I should have addressed it in the original post. Her school system has not been helpful (Florida) and the social environment there has been one of the main accelerants in her decline.
chesty_a_arthur, thank you for the message. I will follow up later.
posted by Osrinith at 7:30 PM on March 5 [1 favorite]
chesty_a_arthur, thank you for the message. I will follow up later.
posted by Osrinith at 7:30 PM on March 5 [1 favorite]
A great resource on this is Maia Salavitz’s book Help At Any Cost.
posted by johngoren at 9:32 PM on March 5 [1 favorite]
posted by johngoren at 9:32 PM on March 5 [1 favorite]
I, along with many people I know, have worked at a few of these places and I can't recommend them in the slightest.
Abuse is rampant and she'll be exposed to kids with far worse issues than hers. Happy to chat more, shoot me a pm.
posted by coldbabyshrimp at 10:10 PM on March 5
Abuse is rampant and she'll be exposed to kids with far worse issues than hers. Happy to chat more, shoot me a pm.
posted by coldbabyshrimp at 10:10 PM on March 5
As a therapist, my first thought is, family therapy! Kids develop in and react to a family system. Sending her away to a boarding school sends the message, "you're the problem, you need to go away to get fixed." The reality is that sending one member of a family unit away to "get healed" is usually not dealing with the root of the issue. I'm not saying the parents are bad or abusive. They may be very nice and well-meaning people. But she may be greiving her parents divorce. Or any number of things.
Personally, I've never treated a child or adult whose mental health state (good or bad) was not directly impacted or stemming from their experiences in their family of origin. Family therapy will enable the family to support one another and communicate so the girl doesn't feel she needs to deal with her feelings alone, or away at an institution.
If money is no object, I'd recommend family therapy for the family, and individual therapy for everyone (these should all be different therapists!)
As far as schooling, perhaps a small (day) school where the kids are given adequate attention and there is a staff of counselors would be good.you could also look into therapeutic groups for teens in addition to individual therapy.
posted by bearette at 4:48 PM on March 6 [3 favorites]
Personally, I've never treated a child or adult whose mental health state (good or bad) was not directly impacted or stemming from their experiences in their family of origin. Family therapy will enable the family to support one another and communicate so the girl doesn't feel she needs to deal with her feelings alone, or away at an institution.
If money is no object, I'd recommend family therapy for the family, and individual therapy for everyone (these should all be different therapists!)
As far as schooling, perhaps a small (day) school where the kids are given adequate attention and there is a staff of counselors would be good.you could also look into therapeutic groups for teens in addition to individual therapy.
posted by bearette at 4:48 PM on March 6 [3 favorites]
Just adding to say that family therapy may not be viable in cases where abuse is present.
posted by bearette at 4:52 PM on March 6
posted by bearette at 4:52 PM on March 6
It isn't girls only, but a good school is Grove School in Madison, CT. They do individual, group, and family therapy, and psychiatrists on staff for meds. They make sure the education provided for each student meets the requirements of both CT and the student's home state. They are on a trimester schedule. I won't lie--they aren't a premiere educational institution, but they provide a good education and lots and lots of support for emotion, mental, and physical health.
My son went there and did well, after many initial hiccups. He's in college and thriving right now.
It is HELLA expensive. They all are. The problem with going outside of the school district to a boarding school situation is that the district will fight to pay the least amount possible. Our district pushed for a day school nearby, but we'd have to get him out of bed to get him there, and that seemed like an impossibility. Eventually, we had to go to a mediator and we had to pay all of the boarding fees and they picked up a large percentage of the academic and therapy costs. We had to pay the cost of the expensive education law attorney.
It was all worth it though. He was not in as bad a situation as your friend's daughter is but other students there have been. He's finishing up his sophomore year in college and we are paying for his old Grove School case manager (a therapist) to check in with him by phone twice a week to give him whatever help he needs.
It's not a perfect place. Full disclosure--a student committed suicide last year. They worked with her parents and specialists and have put more safeguards into effect. I don't know that they ever had a suicide before, and they've been around for some time. The kids are under tight restrictions at the beginning (they have to check in with staff often) and those loosen as they make progress.
posted by ceejaytee at 7:29 AM on March 7 [2 favorites]
My son went there and did well, after many initial hiccups. He's in college and thriving right now.
It is HELLA expensive. They all are. The problem with going outside of the school district to a boarding school situation is that the district will fight to pay the least amount possible. Our district pushed for a day school nearby, but we'd have to get him out of bed to get him there, and that seemed like an impossibility. Eventually, we had to go to a mediator and we had to pay all of the boarding fees and they picked up a large percentage of the academic and therapy costs. We had to pay the cost of the expensive education law attorney.
It was all worth it though. He was not in as bad a situation as your friend's daughter is but other students there have been. He's finishing up his sophomore year in college and we are paying for his old Grove School case manager (a therapist) to check in with him by phone twice a week to give him whatever help he needs.
It's not a perfect place. Full disclosure--a student committed suicide last year. They worked with her parents and specialists and have put more safeguards into effect. I don't know that they ever had a suicide before, and they've been around for some time. The kids are under tight restrictions at the beginning (they have to check in with staff often) and those loosen as they make progress.
posted by ceejaytee at 7:29 AM on March 7 [2 favorites]
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posted by haptic_avenger at 5:23 PM on March 5 [8 favorites]